I’ve wanted a chance for my story to hit a mass audience for quite some time now. Not because I need to heal a wound, want sympathy or want to gain fame, but because I know that so many other women and girls are going through hell and back and cant relate to a single soul. At least that’s how I’ve always felt to say the least.
So, lets get started. Takes a deep breath
A mere piece of my story begins on April 30th of 2011, two days after my Mother’s Birthday. I was working the night shift as a promo model for Svedka vodka and received a call from the police. They advised me that they were at my mother’s house for a welfare check and needed to break her window to gain entrance. Though confused, I gave my permission and within minutes I heard the words, “I’m so sorry.” My mother was gone and nobody, not even the medical examiners office could tell me why.
I began to blame myself for her unresolved death. Losing her drove me to alcoholism and anorexia. I knew she was sick, I knew she was both emotionally and physically ill because of the cancer, but I wasn’t there for her. I was a young (21), new mother at the time and was so preoccupied between my newborn son, my fulltime job and obtaining a college degree that I felt I had no time to spend with her. The guilt made me extremely sick and caused me to drop my once healthy weight (130) down to about 105 lbs. DISCLAIMER: Though I considered myself an alcoholic, I never drank while caring for my son. His father and I are separated, so while my son was away I would drink until the pain ceased.
A few months after my fall out, I began seeing a psychiatrist and I guess you could say she cured me of my alcoholism because she forced me to make a choice. A choice between drinking alcohol and taking the prescribed medication for my condition(s), so I chose what I thought was right. I became a science experiment, trying different anti-depressant drugs, concoctions and dosages and little by little, I began to feel better. I was 100% pro medication until I landed myself in the hospital from an overdose. The anorexia and dehydration assisted the drugs in taking hold of my then frail body and almost killed me. From that point on I vowed to stop both the medications and anorexia and began eating healthy. At that point, I started to feel myself smile again. I was able to enjoy being around friends and family and was back to a healthy weight again.
Everything was going great for me until May 10th 2013. That afternoon I came home to find a business card from the local homicide unit on my door. Fearing the worst, I called the number listed and was notified that my father’s life had been taken from him. My entire world shattered as my father was my best friend. He was the person that helped raise my son and the only one that understood and accepted me during my darkest of times. I was truly heartbroken and heading for another downward spiral, but this time around it was different. I didn’t go back to the antidepressants, the drinking or the anorexia. I actually did the exact opposite and began to heavily binge. By August of 2013, I climbed up to about 165 lbs. and for the first time I truly hated every single thing about myself.
All of that negativity stopped when I joined a gym in September of 2013. To be honest, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I kind of just hopped from machine to machine until I was exhausted for the day. This kept me both physically and emotionally occupied since I didn’t have the time or energy to have a breakdown. Shortly after realizing that fitness was my escape from depression, I began a weight lifting and cardio routine. I combined this with healthy eating and became happier and healthier than ever. Sure, I still get depressed, but when I do, I turn to the gym. I work out until I cry sometimes and at the end of the day every single emotion that I’m holding onto no longer exists.
I feel like I’ve found my true life calling in the fitness industry. Currently, I’m prepping for my first NPC competition with hopes to become a NASM certified trainer shortly after. My dream is to inspire women with my story and encourage them to heal their wounds through fitness. Together, we can accomplish anything!
IG username: fitnessandunicorns
Email is Fitnessandunicorns@gmail.com
Coral Springs, Fl